Steroids are weird. They give you energy. I love that. They knock out the aches & breathing issues when you’re sick. Love that, too.

But they also make you hold water & get a little puffy. Boooo. And, as mentioned, they keep you awake. Ugh.

Since I’m awake & antsy, I figured I might as well update this thing with what’s been on my mind. Steve Jobs. He resigned yesterday. It’s sad this go round. When the board dumped him years ago & he vamoosed to NeXT, it was a crazy, sad time for Apple fans–but it was tempered with the knowledge that ol’ Steve had the fire in the belly. You just knew he was going to pull off something big. And, when he returned to Apple–BLADOW! He did.

This time is different. He’s sick. He’s not quite the solid Steve he once was. This bothers me a bit because he has been one of my heroes for a long, long time.  The man seemed timeless–limitless, even. But his resignation reminds me of the fact that he is just terribly human like the rest of us. His time on this planet–like all of ours–is finite.

Some of the things he’s said have inspired me so much over the years. Like these quotes from his 2005 commencement speech delivered at Stanford:

“Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”

God, I mean, if that’s not the gospel truth, I don’t know what is. When that alarm clock goes off in the morning, you’ve got to believe in and love what you do. I’m so grateful I found a calling that makes me feel the way teaching does. And he’s right–you spend so much of your waking hours at work–why cheat yourself of your precious time by doing something you don’t enjoy?

“I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

Once again, spot on. In the end, the important things won’t be the trivial crap that we’ve worried over and have convinced ourselves into thinking are major crap. In the end, the things that matter will be very apparent to us.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Amazing. Simply amazing. We know ourselves better than anyone else, yet, too often, we fall into the trap of not being true to ourselves because what someone else or society might want from us is a bit different. What a shame to be so . . . inauthentic. I’ve always felt that so many people walk around in a private, miserable hell that manifests in a public show of “happiness” by trying to be someone they are not and by pretending to believe in something in which they really don’t. I’ve been guilty of this, I know. It’s no way to live. The heart knows what it wants. It just has to make it past the head. Be yourself–how true.

And, finally, the gem of the lot:

“Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.”  Hands down, one of the best things ever said. Have an appetite for life, for love, for the people in your world and for the world itself. Feed your curiosity with experience. Learn from your mistakes, but never be afraid to take risks and think outside the box. Be willing to experience the spectrum of human condition. Man, I love that quote.

So, yeah, Steve’s words have spoken to me a great deal over the years. He may not be the King of the Castle like he was once upon a time. But he’s still my hero.

It’s boring. I hate it. It’s summer. It’s beautiful outside. I want to be playing & sweating & having fun. This is me whining. I take the meds & I either knock out or, if I make myself stay awake on them, I get emotional & stuff. I hate that, also. I am a believer in mind/body being in sync in order to be on my game. This ain’t happenin. I hate that, too. For a relatively positive person, I hate a lot of stuff right now!!

I have good friends who are putting up with my crap. Good family who do the same. A great boyfriend who does the same. OK, that’s some positive stuff, lol!

But I still miss beast mode. I think this is the universe’s way of forcing me to slow down & contemplate stuff & think & all that. I’ll give myself three more days of this garbage. That’s all. I know for a fact that the human body can be pushed well beyond the limits our minds place on it. It’s all about attitude. This makes no sense. I’m rambling. Are you happy now, SIMM??

I’m going to force myself to sit zazen. That should be interesting considering I haven’t done it in many weeks. LA is coming to entertain me. I’m gonna be a tough crowd–but I think she can do it!

My Aunt Judy & her friend Summer after the tornado

Some people toss the word miracle around a lot. They lost 5 pounds. “It’s a miracle!” They pass a class. “It’s a miracle!”

I’ll tell you what a REAL miracle is. Surviving your home being blown away while you’re huddled in a closet under the stairs.

That’s what happened to my aunt and her friend the other day in Tuscaloosa when a monster tornado hit the city.

My heart goes out to everyone affected by the tornado. I’m just almost speechless at the death and devastation. But I am grateful for the miracle our family got!

Love the flowers, the grass, the sun & the sweet breezes. Also, love the whole metaphor of spring. Waking up, feeling alive, new beginnings–the whole reenergizing process that occurs.

Wake Up!

I have a student–a lovely, sweet girl who is smart as a whip. She was in a terrible accident and has been in a coma for a while now. This morning, reports are that she is awake! So many of us are beyond overjoyed at this wonderful news!

To be awake. To be alive & full of wonder. To see the world and all the beauty it holds. We take it for granted so easily.

To me, spring heralds all possibilities. Anything can happen! You just have to keep your eyes open for those possibilities, opportunities, and chances that can enhance your time on this planet. You have to wake up!

Looking forward to celebrating Sushi Birthday 2011 on Saturday night with my family.  Work is going well & Al is enjoying being manager for the middle school soccer team. The weather has finally started to warm up–I can’t wait to get some flowers to plant!

Had a lovely reunion with former bosses/coworkers from Frohsin’s Department Store. It was like a family reunion!

Al played in a COD: Black Ops tournament in Montgomery. He was eliminated in the third round, but I was proud of him for hanging in there that long. I would never have made it that far.

So, here’s a few pics of randomness from the past couple of months–enjoy, lol!

Me & Al at Provino's with our fam--my cousin Ben got engaged!! Yay!

My cousin Ben & his fiancee Heather--sweetness!

Some awesomeness at Le Target!

What a cool fish lure thingy!

My cousin Kim, my former boss Sandra & me! Reunited!

Life is rolling along. Dental work, work-work, housework, professional development work–lots of work going on lately!

I sure will be glad when the holidays get here–but it’s too soon to think about that.

Anyway, that’s all I can report right now–just feel to cruddy & sick to write more.

Creamy Pepper Pasta w/Sun-Dried Tomato

Me & a real jackass!

This weekend Mom, Al & I went to the Dean Road Weenie Roast–a decades old tradition in the neighborhood where I grew up. It’s so much fun! They have lots of great food, friendly people, hot dogs (of course!) and–DONKEYS!! They’re soooooo sweet!

Quick recipe I made up to take:
10 red banana peppers
2 jalapenos (small)
4 dollops sour cream
2 dollops mayo
Regular pepper
1 pkt HV ranch seasoning
3 kinds of cooked pasta–a big bowl of it!
1/2 jar sun-dried tomatoes
1 can black olives
2 spoonfuls of minced garlic
1/2 red onion chopped
lemon juice
olive oil
In food processor, blend peppers, sour cream, mayo, ranch, garlic & olives. Dress pasta w/lemon juice, olive oil & pepper. Pour mixture over pasta & mix up well with onions & sun-dried tomatoes. Chill for 2 hours. It is even better the next day!!